Monday 1 October 2012

Some sympathy please for Jeremy Forrest

So Jeremy Forrest is guilty of child abduction. He's got five and a half years. Juries are generally sensible and I haven't been following the court reports that closely - but here's something I wrote about it when the story first broke back in October...

A TEACHER I know asked her Year Ten class 'So what do you think of this Jeremy Forrest thing? You know the maths teacher guy who ran off to France with a student?' The response was instant and predictable.

'He's a paedo, miss!'

'He should be castrated, miss!'

And then she asked them if any of them had ever had crushes on teachers. After a pause, about eight raised their hands. My friend the teacher twitched an eye-brow. There was laughter, and another eight hands went up. Sixteen out of a class of 25 fifteen year olds. Makes you think.

And of course, this Jeremy Forrest, this man, this maths teacher, has stepped over a line. He has - whether consciously or not - abused the power relationship between student and faculty.More specifically, he has, in the words of another friend of mine, 'been a complete twit.'

But desire, love, makes twits of us all. Makes complete fucking arses of us all. Who hasn't made a dick of themselves because of desire? Who doesn't, even now, suddenly feel a hot rush of shame at the thought of something we did or said to the wrong person because love - or what we thought was love - had seized the driving wheel of our psyche.

Here's a sum - the average maths teacher teaches twenty classes a week. Most groups he will see three or four times in that week, so he's working with 100 different kids each year. In a ten year teaching career that is a thousand different pupils. In that time it would be staggering if a young, handsome, personable, clever teacher didn't collect a fair few admirers. Some of them passionate, some of them wily, several of them very beautiful and very smart themselves. No surprise that maybe with some of them he makes a real live adult connection. No surprise that feelings grow, especially if he's hired by the parents to give extra maths tuition. Especially if the school apparently turns a blind eye when he sits holding hands with the girl on the way back from a school trip to the States.

And of course, he shouldn't act on these feelings. Of course he should be responsible. And if he can't control himself,  he should be sacked, no question. But should he be in jail? Should he be branded a paedo? Should he be on the sex offenders register for life?

Interesting that he ran away to France, where the age of consent is fifteen. Where, in fact, he has committed no crime and where he and the student could, if they chose, live together openly and have children and lead an entirely respectable life. In five years time Monsieur and Madame Forrest could be on the PTA committee of their own kids' ecole.

I guess that won't happen though. I guess that he'll be destroyed and the relationship will fall apart pretty quickly - it almost certainly would have done anyway, but what relationship could withstand the pressure this one is getting now?

And I'm willing to bet that in ten years time Jeremy Forrest will still be avoiding the eyes of strangers, fearful that he'll be attacked as a nonce, while in another part of the world, over a few bottles of chilled Pinot Grigio, the girl might well  be telling this amazing story of how she once  ran off with her maths teacher. And after she's told it, most of her audience will chime in with stories of how they themselves once kissed their teacher, or almost did, or wanted to.

And, just in case, you were wondering, I was a teacher for ten years. And, no, nothing like this happened to me. Not really. But then I was already 30 when I became a teacher. And teenagers - with their rubbish music and their dodgy fashions and unformed opinions never really did it for me - but it is an occupational hazard and silly not to acknowledge that every now and again in a long career you might meet a sixth former for whom - if you weren't their teacher - you might have made an idiot of yourself over.

Women as well as men by the way. Just this week I had a conversation with another ex-colleague who told of a kid who had a crush on her, who was, in the end, expelled for various idiocies. 'And thank God he was.' she said. 'Because everyone in the staff room knew he had a  crush on me - and they all joked about it - but what they didn't know, was that I had one on him. He was 14.'

And my former colleague is the best teacher I've ever met.

Anyway, if you want to read more you should look at my novel TAG -- because one of the slightly annoying things about this whole Jeremy Forrest thing is that the two of them seem to have lifted chunks of my book to inform their escape plan...

Bastards.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tag-Stephen-May/dp/1905614373/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349153096&sr=8-1

22 comments:

  1. Well and bravely said Steve. JF failed as a teacher and as an adult, but not as a human being. His culpability may be the greater, but then so is his loss. Seems to me JD was not in quite so deep - maybe he should have been?

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    1. Cheers Jane - and maybe you're right. Perhaps I should have given JD a wife... I do feel very sorry for her. Humiliating. She should feel very, very angry...

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  2. Yes, this is interesting and quite perceptive. I must admit I'd have expected 15-year olds themselves to be a little bit more tolerant of the situation, but it may be that "paedo" is the expected answer to the question and that an anonymous poll on Facebook would've produced a slightly different and possibly more honest result.

    I went to an all-boys school, and coincidentally I was 15 when we got our first female teacher who took our O-level German class. She was married (well, Mrs, anyway), 40-ish and a bit frumpy) and got more than her fair share of being played up, but other than that she was only novelty value for us 15-year old boys. No-one had a crush on her and if she had one on any of us she kept it well hidden. Had she been young and nubile it might've been a different story: I can think of several ex-classmates who would have been queuing up to try their luck!

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    1. Cheers Don. No one is more conservative than a teenager...

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  3. Yes, very well said. And how can it be that she is deemed a vulnerable, innocent child now, but overnight, on her 16th birthday she'll suddenly be old enough to legally have sex and mature enough to cope with all that comes with it? Yes, he has abused his position as a teacher, but as you say, who hasn't behaved like a complete arse as a result of desire? His career is over for sure; I just hope this doesn't ruin his life.

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  4. 'His career is over for sure; I just hope this doesn't ruin his life.'

    I agree, Steve. And personally I feel some sympathy for him and thanks for a nuanced and realistic post. A sane voice amongst the hysteria....


    But - I hope it doesn't ruin Megan's life, either. She'll always have to contend with being known as 'the girl who ran off with her teacher', and when the passion fades - (as it probably will - remember how passionately we 'fell in love' at 15 and then a year later, fell right out of it again?) - she might ask herself why her school didn't have better child protection procedures in place.

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  5. Sorry Susan, meant to say 'I agree Susan' and then to thank Steve for the original post.

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  6. Great post, Stephen.
    I remember turning to a teacher once, in tears, when I was, I guess 16, because I was in trouble and I trusted him, nothing more. And his reaction, very clearly, to pull away. Because of what might be implied, because of what might happen. It's a minefield.
    I'm pretty sure Megan will be fine. Despite the cries of abuse. If there's anyone in this I feel sorry for it's Forrests's wife.

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    1. Yeah - the wife. Every right to wield the secateurs...

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  7. My seventeen year old thinks a lot of it would have been Megan's idea, and she's probably right. She doesn't think he should go to prison. I disagree, even though I see how it all might have happened, because he was in a position of trust, he should have known better, and because he was her teacher so there cannot be any room for ambiguity.

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    1. No room for ambiguity? Really? He should be sacked, no question - but in France 12 miles away from the Uk he could be living with her and their many children unmolested and unsearched for. Doesn't make it all right but a little compassion needed? I note Megan's father has said much the same as me...

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  8. I have some sympathy for him and if he hadn't been married, I'd have a lot more. I can't help feeling that the warning signs were there for a number of people but no one intervened. Such a shame for all involved.

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  9. Like Claire, I feel sorry for Forrest's wife - as well as Forrest, and Megan.

    I am reminded of a relationship between a middle-aged female teacher at my son's school a few years back, and a boy in the sixth form. Said son was thirteen - school gossip was rife. Reminded because at the time I remember thinking she must have had a sad life out of school - something that made her yearn for the excitement of teen years - or something.
    Sure enough, her life was a bit sad, duff boring marriage, etc etc - and whereas the boy was over age - and it was a boarding school, with all the opportunities that affords - her behaviour was very very wrong.
    In the end, another type of teen behaviour got the better of her, as they were photographed on someones mobile, whilst having sex in his study. It was very sad to think of those photos being passed round the school.

    This bloke - it isn't the first time, apparently, that his behaviour towards young pupils has been inappropriate. Not married long, either. Like the teacher above - there is something very flawed in their makeup - not grounded in their adult lives. Or something.

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  10. As far as I understand it, in a school/college situation the law states that no teacher can have a sexual relationship with anyone in their care, whether they are 'officially' of age (16) or not. So a teacher having a relationship with an 18 year old student is breaking the law; whereas if a teacher had a relationship with a 16/17/18 year old who was not their student - but who, was, eg their neighbour! - it wouldn't be illegal. It's complicated.

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  11. If Forrest and Megan had started their relationship at a French school, what would the legal position be? Just because the age of consent in France is 15, does that apply to teachers and their students?

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    1. From what I've seen and read about this, no. Where the relationship is one of teacher and student (in other words, one of "authority"), the legal position is the same as it is in England and the age limit is raised to 18.

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  12. Thanks Don.
    So if Forrest and Megan had formed a relationship in a French school, and gone 'on the run' there, Forrest would, presumably, have been arrested on the same charges to the UK one, because Megan was in his care?
    Ironically, he hasn't committed a crime on French turf, because he's British and Megan is fifteen, and therefore the French authorities have no power to bring charges. But if Monsieur Forrest and Mademoiselle Stammers had legged it from a French ecole - he'd be in l'eau chaud.
    Tres complicated.


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  13. It's really strange but when the story initially broke in the press, and before I had seen any photographs, it was JD and Mistyann that I had in my mind's eye. One of my first reactions was to think "God...I wonder if Stephen has heard about this". And, like you, I wondered if they had read TAG...maybe you should send him a copy...I have a feeling he'll be needing something to fill his time. I think the whole story raises some very interesting questions about moral trust and responsibility, issues that you have touched upon with great sensitivity in your blog. But casting of first stones aside, it can sometimes be a very fine line indeed.

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  14. there seems to be a lot of hysteria about 'sex abuse' these days, I mean cases like this one which really aren't but get lumped in with cases that sicken. He's been a fool, but I get the impression that both were running away from situations they couldn't cope with at home and found solidarity in each other's company rather than 'love'. He's immature and she's from a very dysfunctional family.

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  15. Yes very sane. I work in the field of risk and children's play. Perspective is all. It is the hypochracy that I hate.

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  16. Most interesting read. BBC News has an interesting article about a girl who married her teacher.

    I'd rather him teach my child than many other people I've read about who get less than 5 years in jail!

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  17. Our beloved criminal justice system has just created a 'victim' where there was none before. It's disgusting that forrest has been labelled the same as Mark Bridger. Forrest may be naive, he may be immature, he may be foolish, he may have abused a position of trust, but peodophile he is not. The most upsetting thing about this whole sorry episode is that he has been deliberately sent down for sufficiently long enough to ensure that there is no chance that the relationship will be rekindled. Now that is very sad, and it makes me wonder what poor Megan is going through and what respect she will now have for this sick system.

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